bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
wat bout pragnant strippers??
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
