WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
How's work?
Spinning.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
