It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize