What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize