Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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