there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
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