I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
