Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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