Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
