She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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