he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
