Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
