This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize