I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
