I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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