I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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