Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
