i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
