just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Success! We fucked roommates!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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