I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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