He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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