she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
