He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
