East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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