I don't think brook has ever known best
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
