And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
