moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
