The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
