Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
