He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
