Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
