The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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