wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize