Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize