I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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