Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
