So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
dude. I can hear the air.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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