we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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