I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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