I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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