You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How naked do you want me to be?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize