I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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