On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
