Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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