Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
