I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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