He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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