Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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