shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
