You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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