I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
