Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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