It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
