Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
