theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize