we're chasing vodka with high fives
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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