I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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