I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
is wine microwaveable?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
