The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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