you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
