Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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