I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
