You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
