the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
