the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Small penises have feelings too.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
