dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
