Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
