No awkward lesbian experiences without me
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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