We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
