I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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