; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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