We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
