How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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