Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
