Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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