Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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