so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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