Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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