I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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