My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize